2004-08-01 - 1:17 p.m.
dear diary,
goose came over and brought his oscar* copy of i robot. so we watched it. and i swear i'll freak out on anyone that says i robot is a good movie.
a good book MAYBE, but this is absolutely nothing like the book. forget the fact that will smith's character was created solely for the movie. forget the fact that his character says things like "hayl nah." forget the fact that a pair of 2004 converse are considered vintage in the year 2035. THAT'S IN MY LIFETIME. don't make a fucking movie about flying cars and robots when i'm 57 years old! i don't even own a cell phone! you just fucked up any credibility you might have had.
but the characters and the story are written so two dimensionally and so FLATly that any interesting point they could have made about technology versus religion or mankind versus technology was overridden for showy effects [which really weren't very showy at all.]
at the end of the movie, the humanistic robot asks will smith, "does this mean we are friends now?" and in response, will smith offers his hand for a handshake and as they shake he says, "THIS means we are friends now."
trite enough, right? but then the camera shows a good 5 second close up of the handshake.
i pretty much vomited all over myself at that point. the three of us were howling with laughter because it was SO over the top blatant. like, blatantly blatant. boo to you hollywood. the fact that the robots LIVE at the end of the movie is incredibly st00pid and totally takes anyway any MORE credibility [very little to none] the movie had and like all good science fiction movies or books...
the end didn't come without the lecture.
we have to kill mankind in order to save mankind because mankind's destiny is to destroy mankind.
oh the brilliant fallacy in that logic - yet still the fodder of many a sci-fi book and or movie.
just, dumb.
man hates robots because of something accidental and traumatic a robot did to him a long time ago. man hates robots because he is part robot. and then one humanish robot changes his heart forever... do they think plots and writing are "fresh" if they take old ideas that have been played out and put robots in them?
there is a part in the movie where the robots are sic'd on will smith's character and as a robot punches its arm through his windshield, it says in its awesomely robotic voice, "you are experiencing an accident." [to which of course will smith replies "the hell i am"]
so in all fairness, the movie had one redeeming quality. and that was the "you are experiencing" line. that robot totally god modded!
the "you are experiencing" line came in handy for a good five hours after the movie.
YOU ARE EXPERIENCING A POORLY WRITTEN MOVIE.
YOU ARE EXPERIENCING BOREDOM.
YOU ARE EXPERIENCING A PROFOUND HATRED OF HOLLYWOOD.
YOU ARE EXPERIENCING SIMULATED ENTERTAINMENT.
and then much later
YOU ARE EXPERIENCING AN ORGASM.
does not compute!
syntax error!
please reboot system!
and after you reboot the system, someone drag out will smith so we can all take turns punching him.
*technically it wasn't an oscar copy but shh big brother is watching and he's black, and part robot. you are experiencing a footnote.