2004-05-02 - 7:05 a.m.
dear diary,
[insert pause]
I JUST SAW A MOTHERFUCKING WILD ASS TURKEY RUNNING IN MY YARD!
A
WILD
ASS
TURKEY.
NOT of the whiskey kind, but a legit honest to god motherfucking ginormous turkey.
only. in. iowa.
not sure what the obsession with my yard is this week, but let me tell you what a pleasure it was to be rubbing one out in front of my open window and see two kids with bikes walk right by it.
i live in the middle of nowhere on 3 acres of forest land. i woke up today because i heard voices. turns out like 6 11 year olds have been playing in the woods [part of this house] so i had to put a damn robe out and ask them to play somewhere else.
*************************************************
"hey guys."
[they start to run when they see me coming.]
"don't run away. it's cool."
"oh. hey."
"you guys can't play in my yard. i know it's bitchin, but it's mine."
[one of them points to the firepit area by the traintracks]
"can we play there?"
"no."
[one points to the lilac bushes]
"can we play there?"
"no."
******************************************
so they've been warned. if they show up again, i'm running out of the house naked and weilding a butcher knife. because wtf, i'm allowed to do that.