2003-07-31 - 6:04 p.m.
dear diary,
someone i know died.
i sincerely mulled over telling you that, because i know what a sensitive and compassionate forum you are.
so i'm sorry if i upset you, but i was thinking it might be a good idea if i left the details of my impending death [aren't they all impending?] to you.
i want to be cremated, like woah.
i want to be buried, once i've been cremated, like woah.
i want at least one person with a penis to piss on my grave.
ammendment: someone with a vagina would be ok too, because the idea of someone having to squat over my grave to pee is probably 9x better than a casual piss.
i want at least two bouquets of balloons, preferably black balloons with innapropriate to the occasion messages. think, happy birthday, or over-the-hill.
it would probably be ok to play some music during any of the ceremonies, but if anyone thought to play stairway to heaven, i'd probably raise up from the ashes like some zombie phoenix and wreak havoc with my talons on everyone there. all two of you.
i am totally averse to a viewing. i don't want anyone to see my body. unless you've dressed me up like a clown and are making me clutch a crucifix in my rigor mortissed southpaw.
incidentally, i've been thinking that crucifix and crucify are words that are not used regularly or lightly, most likely because of the association with that one guy and the m&m's. [see: jesus]
please do not bury/cremate me with any delidingers.
or a members only jacket.
or legwarmers.
or anything else that you would think funny for its retro/personal/slash/slash value.
as for the words on my headstone, please have "can you hear me now?" engraved in old english font. only because this would make my mother cry.
and christ, what good is dying if you don't get a little mom weepage?
and, poon.