2003-12-21 - 1:38 p.m.
dear diary,
i've been recreating a christmas carol in my head. i've taken a piece out of each recreation i've seen this week [5 total, and i seriously hate george c scott]. but i get it.
something about the line "humanity was my business, human kindness and charity was my business" has set me off into [finally] the christmas spirit.
sometimes i look around my house and i feel so blessed.
i remember that it was only six years ago that i was in a relationship that almost ruined me. was only three years ago that i didn't own a stick of furniture or a pot to piss in.
the history professor, in his farewell speech, said that he was especially "harsh and scathing" in our reviews because he wanted to do his part in preparing us for the real world.
i wanted to laugh and roll my eyes, because i've done the real world. i've been doing the real world for the last eight years. i don't need scathing commentary to tell me that there will be months when i can't afford to pay the electric bill. or the months where i'll lose my job, hate my job, find my job, settle in my job... put school off for the almighty dollar, push family away, move across the country-
i get it now. i get that the best parts of life are the ones you spend with your head in someone's lap watching tv or talking or sharing a cup of tea or wrapping a present or buying a piece of furniture you saved up for or worrying about how to pay the bills only to throw worry out the window simply because you don't feel like worrying.
i just have to figure out how to keep this feeling for the rest of my life.