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2003-09-01 - 4:29 a.m. dear diary, things to do on a holiday weekend: [also titled: sweet fucktits am i really this much of a loser?] 1. burn the clutch out in a truck 2. abandon your boat at a park 3. catch a bass and throw it back 4. drink yourself sober, twice. 5. spend an afternoon writing limericks about sucking cocks 6. eat a shitload of italian food 7. listen to someone snore on the couch 8. masturbate furiously. twice. 9. put off doing homework for as long as possible 10. figure out a way to get unemployment 11. figure out a way to get fired 12. figure out a way to convince your mom to send you three thousand dollars 13. listen to death cab for cutie until your ears bleed 14. randomly fantasize about concave chests 15. pick the scabs off of your nipples 16. feel genuine shame when you look at the computer desk generously sprinkled with beer bottles 17. stay up until 4:35am and smoke until you want to die 18. wish you had a female friend to talk to 19. yell at your dog for chewing a hole in your favorite pair of panties 20. wonder what it would take to get your dog to lick your crotch 21. quickly dismiss #20 as post beer talk 22. buy a miniature bottle of arbor mist wine and convince yourself it's kitsch 23. agree to go to a ren faire on monday even though you'd rather fuck yourself with an icepick 24. think about eating cold spaghetti. again. 25. wheeze like you mean it
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