2003-08-17 - 12:27 p.m.
dear diary,
j was telling me about a bachelor party that he helped plan. he hired two strippers from the same agency. do you think if he hired them from two different agencies and put them in a box together they'd fight to the death?
one girl was new and had the gall to have an actual orgasm during the live sex show. the other one faked her orgasm, thus bringing down her street value and worth as an agency hooker.
this brought me back to another j i knew a long time ago who was also at a bachelor party watching a live sex show [apparently every bachelor needs two girls and a vibrator to swing him into married adulthood?]and commented on the 100 foot dildo they girls were using.
i think j said something like "wow, that looks like it hurts." to which the stripper [either the banger or the bangee] looked at j and said "not at all."
and according to urban legend, j looked at the speaker in horror and said "you're not real. you don't get to talk."
which is why we say: i like my porn like a canned hunt - the buffalo don't know what's going on, but i do.
my j said one of the most impressive tricks was that you could lie down with a five dollar bill on your face and the girls would pick it up, creatively.
the only problem was that no one wanted to do this because they already paid something like four hundred dollars for the girls.
and this is what i can't stop thinking about. making a crap load of money. well, that and pol pot's concentration camps.
only because there is a special on the history channel. and pussy + concentration camp = boner.
if i had a penis, etc.