2003-08-03 - 12:31 p.m.
dear diary,
have you ever noticed that when the nipples are totally removed during a breast reduction and reattached, they never seem to be even?
i expressed my concerns to the surgeon and most likely my chipper buddies won't have to be removed during surgery.
but he wouldn't guarentee me.
he did tell me that if he had to reattach them, they would be symmetrically and mathematically perfect. but then he showed me pictures of the work he's done and none of the nippies were aesthetically even.
i said "those nips is wacked."
actually i think i pointed at a pair of STILL pendulous black mams and mumbled quietly "but those don't look even..."
to which he slammed the book on my pointing finger and replied "well yours aren't even right now, so what's the difference?"
he also regalled me with a story about a surgery he did on a woman where the nip chips were removed and sewed back on and like a fool, this woman had some randy humps in a hot tub a few days later.
and of course we all know diary, that the percentage of bacteria in a hot tub compared to the actual amount of water in a hot tub is something like 99:1.
anyway, one nipple became infected, turned black, and fell off.
and the brilliant surgeon created a new nipple out of her existing skin.
now in all seriousness, why would you relay a story like that? i mean, couldn't he have just said "hey, stay away from hot tubs for awhile." so i guess it was effective scare tactic logic, but as i've learned, surgeons have the worst bedside manner, but always the best stories.
i think he was a little peeved that i was more interested in learning how he "made" a new nipple. i mean, christ! it's like playing god! creating new body parts out of existing flesh! i asked if he used ass skin for the nipple, because i think that would be hilarious.
he told me "no."