2004-03-03 - 2:16 a.m.
dear diary,
i've been trying to get my snap on for like the last two hours but so far operation go to sleep isn't commencing.
i want to talk about how horrible it is downloading free pron instead. like when i'm promised one thing via pron title, and end up watching a video involving poop. seriously uncool and boner lilting.
or like the titles that explain to you exactly what you're downloading. "hot blonde with nice tits and pussy gets fucked in a 2001 jeep cherokee by a hung black stud somewhere in pasadena in the middle of the night."
my favorites are the advertisements for pron websites that put in every searchable word to get you to download. "freckles pussy juicy qwerty orgasm cock sex" it didn't deliver as promised. there were no juicy freckles and try as i might to actually see a qwerty... it remains as elusive as ever.
i made the mistake of downloading a pron clip entitled "pron bloopers, girl trips over a big weiner." i was fully expecting funny times, but if you're going to use the word "trip" as "is verbally astounded" then dagnabbit, tell me before i waste ten minutes downloading it. who cares, big weiner. don't talk about it, stand up and run and then physically trip over it. what the hell am i paying you for?
it's free, so what.
the worst thing i saw tonight was a girl getting humped. arguably that's the not the bad part, but there was a velvet clown painting over the bed and the cameraman thought that was more interesting than the actual sex. don't get me wrong, i have nothing against clowns. but clowns and sex is just incredibly wrong.
the ones that are arguably the worst generically include the words rape, incest, and teen. aaaaaaand, yikes.
what happened to the good old days when i could just flip the channels back on forth on the clicker box on the tv between playboy and hbo and get like a 2 second clear shot of boobies? why is pay per view pron like ten dollars a pop when you're only going to need about five minutes of it anyway? why did i have to inadvertantly learn what bukake was by accidentally downloading it? who likes to masturbate sitting up anyway?
i propositioned my significant other and he faked a headache and sleep. so i watched a video of a girl having a six minute long orgasm and after it was done she was all in splendor-mode and whoever was filming starts congratulating her. "nice job, wow, that was really intense. you've really got what it takes." she didn't save a human life or anything, i mean the girl busted an inside out nut fucking a machine.
and what's up with the virtual sex? have you seen how bizarro this is? it's a real person but virtualized and they're basically floating in black air and getting humped. it's almost as creepy as the real dolls except the virtual girl talks.
have you seen these websites where you can control a fucking machine by using your mouse and your arrow keys? like how crappy has that got to feel? you're laying down on some pier one import pillows and someone's credit card gets approved and suddenly there is a rubber cock fucking you 45 mph out of nowhere while someone watches a video of you trying to pretend it feels good.
i don't understand it.
i think i'm going back to my celibacy slash denial stage. maybe i just don't care anymore. maybe this is like drinking myself sober. maybe i've seen so much bad pron that i can't even get turned on anymore.
what a sad world.