2004-02-26 - 11:19 a.m.
dear diary,
there's this little known secret to marriage that no one ever tells you, and i'm going to break it down for you. the day following the wedding when you get phone calls congradulating you [like from your 90 year old grandmother] the first thing everyone asks is:
"how was the wedding night? [insert wink wink]"
well what the fuck am i supposed to tell them? "grandma, the sex rocked me like nine different ways. so good!"
because the truth is... the sex blew a bag of cocks. and not in a good way.
i can barely stand and walk because of this herniated disk thing but on my wedding night i'm supposed to be an acrobat. i was a total trooper though. i sucked it up, took a swig from my canteen, and then army crawled to the marriage bed. i did the dirty, and it wasn't pleasant. it hurt like a motherfucker, but i'm a soldier. i'm a champ. winner. whatnot.
so far it feels fairly normal though. i mean, it's eleven in the morning two days later and i'll be in pajamas all day long. [shut up zotl] i'll still pick my nose and ass at random intervals. i did do a donna reed thing yesterday when i called the doctor to make an "appointment for my husband. what's wrong with him? he has a lingering cough..."
if we were boyfriend and girlfriend, and i cheated on him, i'd be a slut. but now that we're married... if i cheat on him, i'd be an adultress.
and that is like 1000 times hotter!