2003-12-01 - 9:09 p.m.
dear diary,
i've decided to do one christmassy thing every day until christmas.
i guess i've been dependent on the people around me to dictate christmas cheer and it's like a speed high when christmas eve hits and i open my gifts early because i'm obviously naughty and then the next day there is a lazy feeling of remorse and that inevitable let-down.
i want to make that hot chocolate-christmasmovie-snow-ribbon feeling last this time.
and i wish i knew what it is about this time of the year that makes me wish i had someone else's life because there is always a feeling that people are celebrating and sitting in christmassness and i am the only hollow shell of a thinking feeling person standing in a pile of torn wrapping paper in scuffy slippers and a robe with pockets full of kleenexes and memories.
i need the romance of it all.