2003-09-01 - 4:29 a.m.
dear diary,
things to do on a holiday weekend:
[also titled: sweet fucktits am i really this much of a loser?]
1. burn the clutch out in a truck
2. abandon your boat at a park
3. catch a bass and throw it back
4. drink yourself sober, twice.
5. spend an afternoon writing limericks about sucking cocks
6. eat a shitload of italian food
7. listen to someone snore on the couch
8. masturbate furiously. twice.
9. put off doing homework for as long as possible
10. figure out a way to get unemployment
11. figure out a way to get fired
12. figure out a way to convince your mom to send you three thousand dollars
13. listen to death cab for cutie until your ears bleed
14. randomly fantasize about concave chests
15. pick the scabs off of your nipples
16. feel genuine shame when you look at the computer desk generously sprinkled with beer bottles
17. stay up until 4:35am and smoke until you want to die
18. wish you had a female friend to talk to
19. yell at your dog for chewing a hole in your favorite pair of panties
20. wonder what it would take to get your dog to lick your crotch
21. quickly dismiss #20 as post beer talk
22. buy a miniature bottle of arbor mist wine and convince yourself it's kitsch
23. agree to go to a ren faire on monday even though you'd rather fuck yourself with an icepick
24. think about eating cold spaghetti. again.
25. wheeze like you mean it