2003-08-04 - 1:36 p.m.
dear diary,
i was just thinking how life-affirming it would be if i made up some grandiose yet believable story about johnny depp getting an emergency colonoscopy in the hospital stall next to mine tomorrow morning, only because he is the latest porn act for the entertainment media's boner and because colonoscopies are hella funny.
i had all these details worked out like, how he'd be in and out of consciousness and farting like mad and he'd be crying a little and the nurses would be there, cooing and propping pillows under his stomach to aid in the air expulsion while encouraging him to keep tooting.
but now i've gone and ruined the whole fucking scene.
don't you think johnny depp has an asshole that smells like some kind of an exotic flower?
i guess i'll never know.